This Happens Far Too Often
by The Yuggster
Summary: Just a few things that happen far too often to a certain elf and ranger. Sequel to and based on Does This Happen Often?
1. Caves

_Title_: This Happens Far Too Often

_Author_: Yuggster

_Rating_: K+

_Genre_: Humor, Action/Adventure

_Disclaimer_: _Lord of the Rings_ is the unequivocal property of J.R.R. Tolkien

_Summary_: Just a few things that happen far too often to a certain elf and ranger. Sequel to and based on _Does This Happen Often?_

_Dedication_: To everyone who encouraged me to write about "the list".

_Author's Note_: I know...I only posted _A Rather Long Sequel_ this morning but...I was depressed, okay? I needed something else that was funny, so I wrote this. Anyway, this is based on the list in _Does This Happen Often?_ Check for a coordinating forum under my username later this week (I'll explain in the forum).

_Some ideas in later chapters were suggested by Kelsey Estel. You can check out her additions to the list in her review of _Does This Happen Often?

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**Caves**

"It's only a little one!"

"No."

"It's not that deep!"

"No."

"But your father—"

"It's not a cave!"

Aragorn chuckled. "You're being stubborn again," he said in a warning tone.

Legolas shook his head. "I am content to sleep outside, Estel. You are the stubborn one."

"Legolas, it's raining!"

The elf pulled his head lower across his face. "I like the rain."

"It's just a cave!"

"'Just' a cave?" Legolas asked, accidentally flipping his hood back and letting a long stream of water down the back of his cloak. "And I suppose a warg is 'just' a wolf."

"But you live in your father's palace," Aragorn said. "And while you _say_ that isn't a cave, it is still deep within a mountain."

"That is different."

"How."

Legolas huffed, trying to maintain some dignity while wet blond hair clung to his face. Luckily, Aragorn wasn't faring much better. "It is my home, and it is not a cave."

Aragorn shook his head. "You're still being stubborn...it will be safer in the cave than out here."

The elf sighed in frustration. "Then you can sleep in the cave. I will sleep in a tree."

With most inconvenient timing, lightning struck a tree not too far away, the cracking thunder that accompanied it almost enough to deafen Legolas and Aragorn.

"That's it, we're going into the cave," Aragorn said, grabbing Legolas by the arm and pulling him into the cave.

For once, the elf didn't protest, ears still ringing from the lightning strike.

"See? It isn't so bad in here," Aragorn said calmly, digging in his pack for his flint. He found a few dry branches and struck a blaze, lighting up the cave so that they could see.

Legolas had to concede that it was so. The cave was fairly shallow, more of an overhang under the mountain than anything. He pulled off his cloak and wrung it out while he stood near the entrance, watching the rain fall.

"I don't see why you hate caves," Aragorn commented, sitting by the small fire. "There is nothing here that could harm you."

Legolas rolled his eyes, coming to sit beside Aragorn. "No, nothing," he replied sarcastically. "Other than orcs."

"There are no orcs in this cave."

The elf speared the ranger with a pointed look. "_This_ cave," he muttered.

Aragorn winced visibly as another peal of thunder shook the small cave. "It's better than being out there," he retorted, pointing outside. "You'd catch your death of cold."

Legolas opened his mouth to protest that, as an elf, he could not, but before he could speak the thunder seemed to echo around their small cave with almost deafening noise. He winced, fighting the urge to cover his ears. It was so loud that the walls themselves were vibrating.

It seemed rather long for a peal of thunder. He glanced at Aragorn in concern, eyes widening as realization dawned.

"Avalanche!" Aragorn yelled, grabbing Legolas by the wrist and pulling him farther into the cave, pressing both of them against the rock wall at the back.

Legolas closed his eyes as the side of the mountain crumbled. Every moment he expected their cave to collapse inward, crushing both of them. Small rocks pinged against their backs, followed by a few larger stones.

Finally, the roar of the rockslide seemed to cease. Elf and ranger hesitated, slowly turning around.

It was dark in the cave, though there seemed to be a tiny crack near the top that let in a speck of light and a little air. Aragorn could see nothing, but Legolas could barely see around the cave.

"Aragorn," he said calmly, crossing his arms and glaring at the man, knowing his friend could probably feel the venom in the elf's gaze. "When you heard the avalanche, what possessed you to run _deeper_ into the cave?"

In the darkness he saw Aragorn's eyes widen, and the man swallowed. He did not answer for a moment, as though searching for some comeback to the elf's accusation. "Perhaps you are right, Legolas," the ranger said after a few moments, his voice quaking in either mirth or fear. "Perhaps we should just avoid caves from now on."

"Indeed," the elf replied with a hint of sarcasm. He shook his head, turning back to survey the rock pile. It would take several hours to dig their way out of the cave, and then they would still have to fight the rain to continue their journey. "I believe this happens far too often," he muttered.

Aragorn caught his words, and chuckled slightly. "I believe it does."

_

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Reviews? Flames? Tar and Feathers?_


	2. Spiders

_AN: All right...I'm still depressed. And jobless. So here's the second item/entry/whatever. This makes a reference to one of my first stories, _Beginnings_. You don't have to read it, but if you're confused about the reference to the first time Aragorn and Legolas met, that was what that story was about._

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**Spiders**

"Don't tell me you're afraid of the forest."

Aragorn glared at his friend, refusing to reply. He wasn't afraid of the forest. He really wasn't...it was the spiders.

"Estel."

He recognized that tone. Legolas was not going to leave him alone until he explained. "I am not afraid to go out into the forest," he said, gesturing out at the trees beyond the palace.

Legolas raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. "Then why won't you go?"

"Because every time we go into the forest we're attacked by spiders," he explained rather huffily. "That sort of thing happens far too often, and I do not feel like spending the next three days in the healing wing."

"Aragorn, when have you ever been bitten by a spider?" the elf asked curiously.

"Never, but that isn't the point," the man retorted. "If you must know, it's because _you_ are always the one bitten by spiders and _I _end up staying in the healer's wing just to be sure you'll be all right."

"That is not true!" Legolas protested.

"Legolas, you were bitten by a spider three days after we met," Aragorn said. "Remember the tournament? That giant spider attacked us in the clearing and you jumped in front of me?"

"That was an exception. You were only fourteen at the time, we could have beaten them off if you'd had more training with a bow."

"Then explain why you lead seventeen spider-free scouting trips three summers ago while I was still in Rivendell, but five minutes after meeting me within the borders of the forest we were attacked by spiders?"

Legolas could not reply for a moment. "That was a coincidence?" he offered.

Aragorn just shook his head. "That may be, but I'm not taking any chances this time." He sat down on the edge of the bed, glaring up at his friend with an expression that said he would not be swayed.

The elf sighed. "Very well," Legolas said lightly. "I will go alone."

"Legolas!"

"The message has to be delivered," the elf replied, holding up the roll of parchment in his hand. "The village is half a day's journey by horse, I'll be back tomorrow."

"Oh no," Aragorn moaned, jumping back up to grab his cloak.

"What are you doing?" Legolas asked, unable to keep the amused smile from spreading across his face as he watched Aragorn gather his weapons and enough supplies to last for two or three days.

"Think about it, Legolas...every time I visit, spiders attack you the moment we leave the palace. I may not want to go, but I won't let you go alone."

Legolas stared at his friend for a moment before bursting into laughter, nearly doubling over. "Aragorn," he chuckled, "I will be fine."

Aragorn just stared at him quietly, his expression unreadable. "Of course you will," he said dryly.

The elf just shook his head. "Come along, then, if you wish," he called over his shoulder. "But we will not be attacked by spiders."

He could hear Aragorn muttering something as he followed Legolas out of the palace, though the human was speaking so softly that not even an elf could hear him.

The horses were ready in the stables, but Aragorn was still grumbling as he tied his pack onto his horse. Legolas glanced up as the ranger suddenly let out a yell, shaking one hand viciously as though to dislodge something. "What is it?" he asked in concern, wondering what could have sparked such a reaction in his friend.

Aragorn leveled a glare at Legolas, though the venom in his expression was not directed toward the prince, "It was a spider."

Legolas clapped a hand over his mouth, forcing his laugh in. "And that is all the spiders we shall see," he said when he could finally speak without laughing.

The ranger shot him a look that clearly said he did not believe the elf's words. "We shall see," he finally muttered, straightening the pack on his horse.

The pair lead their horses through the gate into the forest. Aragorn kept an eye out for danger, but there did not seem to be any.

"You see?" Legolas asked in triumph after they had ridden for about an hour. "Not a single spider in sight."

Aragorn's eyes suddenly widened. "Then tell me, Legolas, what is that?" he pointed up into the canopy with feigned calmness, though his skin was crawling.

Legolas glanced up, suddenly pulling his horse to a stop. He leapt off the beast, already unslinging his bow, and shot an arrow into the spider in the canopy. It fell to the path, dead, eight legs curled above his body.

The ranger was still frozen, staring at the spider's body. It was the size of a cat, and still gave the occasional twitch. "I told you," he muttered. "Spiders."

Legolas shot him a glance. "Perhaps that is the only one?"

A sudden skittering was heard in the branches of the trees, the canopy above them, and even in the brush around them. "Of course it isn't," Aragorn groaned. "I told you...every time we leave the palace the spiders attack."

The elf did not answer, too busy shooting what spiders he could. "Be ready to make a run for it, before they block the path!"

"Too late," Aragorn said grimly, unsheathing his sword. Thick strands of webbing appeared, weaving back and forth across the path in both directions, trapping Aragorn and Legolas where they were.

"Cut through the web, I'll hold them off," Legolas volunteered.

"Oh, no you don't!" Aragorn groused, shoving Legolas toward the web. "Every time you try to hold them off one of them bites you. _You_ cut through the web, _I'll_ hold them off."

He ignored the strange look from the elf, focusing on throwing rocks, sticks, anything he could at the spiders in the canopy. He struck them down as they came near, barely avoiding dripping fangs and stingers.

"Come on!" Legolas shouted as the final strand of the web snapped. He grabbed Aragorn by the arm and whistled for their horses, plunging away from the spiders' ambush to the clear part of the path.

Aragorn followed him, half-collapsing against his horse as it trotted up. "I don't believe it," he muttered, seeing that Legolas was uninjured.

At that moment, however, a large green spider about the size of Legolas' head dropped onto him from the canopy, sinking its fangs into the prince's shoulder.

The ranger knocked the spider away from his friend and quickly killed it, turning just in time to catch the elf as he collapsed.

"I told you this would happen," Aragorn muttered, easily lifting Legolas onto his horse and mounting behind him. "Every time...this happens every time."

Semi-conscious, Legolas could barely lift his head to reply. "I think...we should avoid...spiders," he finally managed to say.

Aragorn grunted, half in amusement and half in annoyance. "That might be a good idea."

_

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Reviews? Flames? Tar and Feathers?_

_AN: One final note...this chapter is actually written from an idea I had for another story. I will work on it and post it eventually, but this is kind of a parody of one of the things I had planned for that part (and, of course, my tendency to include spiders everywhere I can). _


	3. Rivers

_AN: Don't worry, I'm not depressed again...just bored out of my skull. I'm not sure what to think about this one. It seems a little...weird._

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**Rivers**

Legolas pulled his knees up toward his chest, resting his chin against them with a bored sigh.

"We could go fishing," Aragorn offered.

"The river is moving too fast," he protested.

It was true. Spring rains and melting snow had swollen the river, and by the time the two friends arrived at the ford to cross the water was raging. Any other usable ford was at least a day's journey in either direction, and there was no guarantee they could find a better crossing.

So they had decided to wait for the water to go down a bit rather that risking going miles out of their way to cross.

"It doesn't look _that_ deep," the ranger commented.

Legolas snorted. "It doesn't look _that_ wide, either." He knew it would be foolish to try to cross the river...but hadn't they been caught in worse floods before?

"It would take us several days to find another ford," Aragorn continued thoughtfully, looking back at their horses.

They were silent for a moment. "What are you suggesting?" Legolas asked, his tone suspicious.

Aragorn's eyes widened innocently. "Me? Nothing...although, do you suppose you could tie the end of a rope to one of your arrows and shoot it into that tree on the other side of the river?"

Legolas glanced to where his friend was pointing and shook his head. "With my eyes closed," he replied.

"Ah. Good. Just asking."

The pair fell silent again, the only sound the roaring of the river before them.

"You know, if we had a rope to hold on to we could probably cross before the river goes down," the ranger offered.

"That would be foolish, Estel," Legolas replied, staring into the trees beyond the river.

"Aye, it would," Aragorn sighed, leaning back on his elbows.

The ranger sighed heavily. Legolas glanced over at him, shaking his head to see his friend falling asleep. "I do not think you should rest in the open like that," he said, nudging Aragorn with his foot. "There is no shelter here...you leave yourself wide open to an enemy attack."

"There is no shelter on this side," the man groused. "We had been planning to make for the trees, remember? Which we cannot do since we cannot cross."

Legolas frowned, nodding slowly. "And there are no trees on this side within an hour's journey."

"And we certainly don't want to be any farther from the river in case the water should recede and we could cross it," Aragorn offered.

The elf huffed out a sigh, and stood up. He carefully stretched, then pulled an arrow out of his quiver and began studying it.

"What are you doing?" the ranger asked.

"I was merely wondering how accurately I could shoot with a rope attached to the arrow," Legolas replied calmly.

Aragorn sprang to his feet. "We should test it," he said, just as calmly. "You never know...one day we might be in a situation where such an action would be required."

Legolas shook his head, sitting back down. "No, it would be too dangerous."

The ranger had pulled a coil of rope out of his pack and glanced over at the elf. "What would?"

"You know," the elf retorted in a dangerous tone. "First you would convince me to fire the arrow...then we would need to cross the river to retrieve the rope, only to have the rope break halfway across the river."

Aragorn laughed, sitting on the edge of the bank. "You worry too much. Very well, if you're so concerned we can wait until the water recedes."

Legolas rolled his eyes, scooting over to join Aragorn. "You know it would happen," he said, pushing his friend's shoulder. "And you would be half-drowned by the time I managed to pull you from the river."

"Me?" the ranger asked, laughing again. "I seem to recall, Legolas, that you were the one who nearly drowned last time."

"Only because I did not realize how heavy you were and you very nearly dragged me to the bottom when _you_ fell out of the boat."

"I have never fallen out of a boat!"

Legolas raised one eyebrow mischievously. "You are right, forgive me. It was a raft."

Aragorn's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Admit it. You have come closer to drowning more times than I have."

"Only because I have lived longer!" the elf protested. "Were I mortal, Estel, I would be nowhere near your record for falling into lakes and rivers!"

"Perhaps we should remedy that," Aragorn grinned, grabbing his friend by the shoulders as though to push him in.

Legolas yelped in mock panic, fighting against Aragorn as though he fully expected the ranger to push him into the river.

Unfortunately, the underside of the bank they were seated on had been worn away by the sudden flood and began to crumble.

Aragorn pulled away in surprise when he accidentally succeeded in pushing Legolas' head into the river as the ground caved away. He recovered, grabbing the elf's flailing hand to pull him back up.

But the current had already caught his friend's body, and before Aragorn could properly get his feet under him he and Legolas were pulled into the river.

He fought for air, kicking wildly to keep his head above the water. He was stopped suddenly when he slammed into a fallen log with almost-bruising force, and struggled to cling to it.

Something slammed into him, and he saw Legolas clinging to the log beside him. "How shall we decide this one?" he asked, a grinning a trifle foolishly.

"Let's just agree this happens to both of us far too often," Aragorn offered, panting as he regained his breath.

Legolas could only nod. His hand slipped and he started to tumble back into the water—only to stop after a few inches.

"Aragorn?" the elf said sheepishly, straightening up. "Stand up."

The man's eyes widened, and he slowly stretched his feet down into the water. Fast though it was, the river was only as deep as his chest.

He groaned, shaking the water out of his eyes as he pushed his way toward the shore, kept from washing further downstream by aid of the fallen log.

"Perhaps we should avoid crossing just after the rains?" Legolas suggested.

Aragorn shook his head. "I'm afraid that won't be enough...we should probably avoid rivers altogether."

"Aye," Legolas chuckled, sinking down onto dry land as soon as they reached the shore. "Rivers, lakes, ponds...and boats."

The ranger didn't reply, merely turning around and shoving Legolas back toward the river.

The elf, to his credit, managed to keep from tumbling back into the water.

After all, nearly drowning once in a day is enough for an elf or a ranger...usually.

_

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Reviews? Flames? Tar and Feathers? _

_All right...I can't keep updating this every day forever so this is probably the last one until next week._


	4. Cliffs

_AN: I haven't been ignoring you! I swear! Circumstances conspired against my getting into my profile this last week. I promise, I had this ready to post a whole lot sooner, but couldn't get into my profile._

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Cliffs

Aragorn couldn't believe it. It had happened again.

"Hold on...let me see if I can find some rope."

The ranger gritted his teeth. "Take all the time you want," he called up sarcastically. "I'll just wait here."

A snicker echoed down. He ground his teeth. Was that blasted elf laughing at him? "You know, it could have been you down here," he shouted, shifting his grip on the wall.

"Me?" he could practically see the mockingly innocent expression on the elf's face. "When have you ever known me to take a tumble off a cliff, Aragorn?"

"That isn't the point," Aragorn snarled. He nearly slipped, one foot fighting for purchase on the slim ledge he'd found. "Will you hurry with that rope?"

"Perhaps I should leave you there, it might improve your mood," Legolas called down.

Aragorn ground his teeth again. He was surprised he had any teeth left to grind—the elf had been unbearable ever since the ranger had accidentally fallen off yet another cliff. "So help me, Legolas, if you leave me down here I will suspend you head-first in the first river I find and leave you there until the fish nibble off your nose."

The slight whisper of fiber on rock met his ears, and the tail-end of a coarse rope fell into his sight. "I found the rope!" Legolas called, unnecessarily and far too cheerfully.

He resisted the urge to groan or roll his eyes, grabbing for the rope instead. Unfortunately, a gust of wind blew the rope just out of his reach and he scrabbled at the face of the cliff, nearly scratching the skin off his fingers as he tried to hold on. "Legolas!"

The elf must have realized what was happening, for the rope quickly retracted out of view. Aragorn huffed at a lock of hair that had fallen into his eyes, annoyed that it was obscuring his vision. What little of his vision remained, that is. _Why did this have to happen so late in the day?_

"Got it," Legolas called. Before Aragorn could ask what his friend meant, he yelped in pain as a rock struck him on the shoulder.

"What did you do?" he hollered.

"Tied a rock on the end of the rope so it wouldn't blow away."

Aragorn caught himself grinding his teeth again. He was torn between smiling at his friend's ingenuity and growling at the elf's insensitivity. The least he could have done was _warn_ Aragorn that a rock was headed his direction.

The ranger reached out for the rope, nearly falling off the wall again. He managed to wrap his fingers around it, still desperately clinging to the rock with one hand as he nearly slipped. He'd been holding on too long—his fingers were cramping and he could barely hold on to the rope.

Legolas, it seemed, sensed his friend's dilemma. "Hold on...let me try again."

Aragorn jerked back as the rock came flying past his face again. He grabbed at the wall, grumbling under his breath. "Give me some warning this time," he shouted.

He heard that infernal snickering again. As soon as he got to the top, he was going to harm the elf. He couldn't help it—he was over the edge in more ways than one.

"I'm sending the rope back down," Legolas called sweetly. Again the rock descended, again it struck Aragorn in the shoulder. The other shoulder.

This time, though, Aragorn noticed that the rope was tied in a loop. With more muttered curses and grumblings, he eased the rope over his shoulders and, nearly panicking as his feet slipped off the ledge, got it settled so that the rope was supporting his weight. "Pull me up!"

The rope inched upward, the rock tied on the end bouncing dangerously near Aragorn's face. The ranger fought back a growl, pushing away from the rocky wall with his feet and trying to walk up to aid Legolas.

He yelped when the rock struck him in the face, biting back an angry retort when Legolas innocently asked what was wrong.

Finally, he reached the top of the cliff. Legolas hauled him up, pulling him several feet from the edge before letting him sit up. "Are you all right?" the elf asked in concern, swiftly removing the rope and tossing the rock a considerable distance away once he saw the murderous look in his friend's eyes.

"You hit me with a rock," the ranger growled, shaking his head. "I was clinging for my life and you hit me with a rock."

He could see Legolas fighting not to smile. "It was the only thing I could think of. The wind was blowing the rope away."

"The only thing?" Aragorn sighed, rubbing his hands where he had scratched them against the cliff face.

Legolas snorted, and Aragorn could see that he was holding back another laugh. "You're right. This sort of thing happens far too often...I should have had a better plan by now."

Aragorn's eyes narrowed. The elf was trying not to laugh, focusing on some distant point. For a moment he was tempted to pick his friend up and dangle him by the wrists over the side of the cliff, but that did not seem like too good of an idea.

"Considering your penchant for tumbling off cliffs, Aragorn, I believe we should avoid them from now on."

The ranger was seething. "Not another word, Legolas."

"What?" Legolas blinked innocently. "I was only suggesting..."

"Unless you want to see yourself climbing back up the cliff face alone, I would suggest you remain silent."

Legolas chuckled. "You can't push me off—if you even go near the edge you'll fall off again."

Aragorn raised an eyebrow, sending the elf into another fit of laughter. "Do you really think so?" he asked darkly, pushing himself up to his feet and stalking toward the elf with a menacing air.

The elf leapt up, darting away. Aragorn started to pursue, but winced and sat back down, still too sore from clinging to the side of the cliff to follow Legolas.

He grinned. Pushing the elf off a cliff would be too quick anyway...locking him in the linen closet back in Rivendell would be much more satisfying.

_

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Reviews? Flames? Tar and Feathers?_


	5. Archery Tournaments

_Author's Note: Hey, I'm back! I am so sorry for the delay...thank you for holding, I have account services on the line and they're ready to—oh, wait, no...that's from my old job (it's been a rough Summer...I finally called it quits and left my job after three panic attacks in the last two weeks, and now I'm a humble cashier at Home Depot__). Anyways, here's the next item from the list. Look for another update (really) next week (I swear...may my cat be struck dead if I do not update)._

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**Archery Tournaments**

"Tell me again how this happened?" Aragorn asked, trying in vain to restrain his amusement.

Legolas sighed, glaring unhappily up at his friend. "I told you, I was invited by the men of the village to enter their tournament."

"Ah. As a target?"

"No," the elf gritted his teeth. "As a contestant."

"I see," the man nodded, dumping the contents of his pack out as though in search of something. "And did the men of the village know that, as an elf, you were more skilled than possibly all of them combined?"

"I believe they did."

Aragorn frowned. "Legolas."

The elf sighed. "Very well. They did not know. They were expecting I would be as lacking in skill as they were."

"And they were wrong?" Aragorn prompted. "I don't believe I have enough spare bandages...do you have any in your pack?"

"I do not have my pack," Legolas replied, rolling his eyes. "I threw it at them as we escaped, to distract them, remember?"

"Oh, yes, of course. What happened after you entered?"

"You told me it was a bad idea," Legolas continued.

"Yes, I remember that. I told you that things like this happen far too often, and that you should just stay away from human competitions."

"It was only a minor wound!"

"Five arrows is minor?" Aragorn asked in mock astonishment. "Did you receive a head wound I was unaware of?"

"They were all minor wounds," the elf protested. "I still have one good leg!"

"But two arrows in the other more than make up for that," the ranger shook his head. "I will be honest with you, Legolas...you are the only being I know who can be seriously injured while entering an archery tournament."

"Do not be ridiculous," Legolas retorted, trying to sit up only to be pushed back down by his friend. "I was not injured entering the tournament."

"Forgive me," Aragorn nodded. "You were injured when winning the tournament. I told you: the people here aren't as open-minded as some of the villages further south. It would have gone better for you had you lost, or at least missed one shot."

"Do you know how long it's been since I missed a shot?" Legolas asked. "It is not that easy."

"How hard can it be? You just don't aim for the target."

"You try to break hundreds of years of training to spare the pride of a dozen men you just met and you will see how hard it is."

Aragorn frowned. "I'm not exactly sure that last comment made sense," he muttered.

"So now it's my fault that they're still hunting us?" Legolas continued, his voice rising in anger. "You are completely innocent in the matter? So the fact that you told the village elders that their people would have to be utter fools to engage in such a competition with an elf has nothing to do with our current situation?"

"Quiet!" Aragorn hissed, clapping a hand over his friend's mouth. "You'd best be glad their tracking skills are on par with their archery skills, or they would have found us by now."

Legolas glared at Aragorn until the man removed his hand. "Remind me again," he said quietly, as Aragorn started re-packing his pack, "who was it who decided visiting this village would be a good idea?"

"I had no trouble when I came through here alone...I believe you attract the ire in men, Legolas."

"I do not!" the elf protested as Aragorn pushed aside the branches that had been hiding them from sight to look for the men from the village. "In any case, I seem to remember a certain ranger goading me into accepting the men's challenge."

"I seem to remember trying to convince you otherwise."

"After3braggin3 to the3men of 3he vill3ge that3I could3have be3ted them all blindfolded? Aragorn, even a dwarf knows not to boast so boldly of his talent in the company of strangers."

Aragorn reddened and quickly pushed aside the branches. "They have moved on," he announced, half-kneeling to pull Legolas to his feet. "We should leave before they return."

"Yes," Legolas agreed, with a hint of sarcasm coloring his voice. "We should leave before your boasting gets us into any more trouble."

The ranger merely shook his head. "I think perhaps we should avoid archery tournaments from now on...they seem to cause more trouble than they're worth."

Legolas frowned. "What else is there to do other than slaying orcs?"

"Well," Aragorn glanced around, then his face lit up with a bright smile. "We could always go hunting!"

_

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Reviews? Flames? Tar and Feathers? _

_Three guesses what the next one's about..._

_Other updates are a-coming...the next chapter of_ Darkness _should be up Tuesday evening, if I don't get it finished tonight, and a new chapter in_ A Rather Long Sequel_ by the end of this week. I don't know if I'll get more than one update in the stories out this week, but I'll try. I should at least be back to one update a week now, now that everything is finally gaining some semblance of normality. And it really is this time...whereas in the last five weeks it usually took me several days to even get a page done, I had this entry done within a handful of hours. Return of inspiration/dissipation of writer's block is usually the first sign of normal life returning for me._

_Also, there's another one-shot on the way. I'll give you a couple of hints: it's connect to a previous story (though_ _I won't tell whether it's a prequel, sequel, or concurrent/POV change), and the previous story was originally planned as a Teitho entry. The original story was also written as a oneshot, though it may not be posted the same way. It also may or may not have actually been an entry, as I believe I have several "inspired by Teitho" stories up. Finally, it's not _An Impossible Choice_...the _Bad Company_ sequel will be posted as soon as _Fear No Darkness_ is over._


	6. Hunting Trips

_AN: A bit from this entry was inspired by the live-action movie version of _Popeye

_I don't know if the alerts are working yet...I haven't been receiving any, but I didn't want to put off posting this any longer._

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Hunting Trips

"You are enjoying this."

Legolas bit back his grin. "Now, Aragorn, why would you say that?" he asked in an innocent tone, slowly circling the tree and gazing in amusement at his friend's upside-down features.

"Because I can see that smirk on your face...just cut me down, Legolas."

"But what if you injure your head?"

"I will injure yours if you do not CUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!"

Smothering another snicker, Legolas shrugged lightly and easily cut through the rope where it was anchored around the tree trunk. As he had predicted, Aragorn immediately fell to the floor of the forest, banging his head on the ground and loudly complaining about Legolas' methods.

"I believe you are out of the trap, Aragorn," the elf said, crouching beside his friend.

Aragorn rubbed his head and glared at Legolas. "What did you do that for? I could have been seriously hurt!"

"What?" Legolas blinked in surprise. "You told me to cut you down!"

"I did not!" Aragorn snorted. "I said 'get me down'...GET ME DOWN!"

To Aragorn's astonishment, Legolas burst out laughing. "You do realize," he commented, once he had calmed down enough to speak, "that you were the one injured this time?"

Aragorn snorted again. "I do not know what you mean," he retorted, standing up and brushing himself off.

"Come now, Aragorn," Legolas leapt up after him. "What was it you were saying earlier? Ah yes...something about how I should stick to hunting rabbits because every other animal would turn on me? And even then rabbits might prove too dangerous?" he shook his head slowly. "I am not the one who is routinely injured while hunting."

"No," Aragorn agreed, whirling around to face his friend. "You are merely the one who manages to get into life-threatening peril two steps from your chamber door...aye, and within the chamber as well. Tell me, Legolas, for such a well-liked elf how is it that you have so many enemies?"

Legolas glared at his friend for a moment, then turned away with a huff. "I do not have 'so many enemies'," he called back.

"Legolas, every time we meet someone is trying to kill you," Aragorn protested, sprinting to catch up with his friend. "Do you think that is the _normal_ way men greet each other?"

The elf turned to answer, but his eyes widened as a familiar sound suddenly filled the air.

Aragorn looked down at his feet. "Not again," he groaned.

With a whoosh, a noose tightened around Aragorn's ankle and hoisted him into the air, leaving him dangling eye-to-eye with his friend. "Legolas?"

"Do you wish me to cut you down again?" the elf asked, his momentary anger at his friend forgotten in face of Aragorn's current situation. "You know, for such a well-trained ranger you certainly seem to fall into your share of traps. Perhaps you need more practice tracking?"

Aragorn glared at Legolas as best as he could from his upside-down position. "Get. Me. Down."

The elf grinned. "Have you forgotten your manners, Strider?"

"NOW!"

Legolas chuckled. "Now you have no right to tease me about _my _enemies...at least I do not have the habit of falling prey to hunter's traps."

"I suppose you think this sort of thing happens far too often," Aragorn retorted.

"Nay, not often enough."

"Legolas," Aragorn nearly growled. "Your every word is placing your life in further danger."

"Perhaps we should avoid hunting from now on," Legolas commented, making a great show of taking his time walking over to the tree where the rope was anchored. "I hear the library in Imladris is quiet...there would be no trapper's noose there."

"Perhaps you would like to find yourself locked in the linen closet again."

Legolas snorted. "Should I find that motivation to cut you down?" he asked in a dry voice, but still moved toward the rope. Suddenly, the ground gave way with a sickening drop, and he found himself falling several feet to land with a thud at the bottom of a rather deep pit.

Wry laughter met his ears. "Perhaps you should learn to watch your feet, Legolas."

The elf stood, a bit painfully, brushing the dirt from his clothes. "Who would put a pit this close to a noose snare?"

"I do not know," Aragorn's voice was faint, and Legolas could just see his friend stretching up in an attempt to cut the rope himself. "But I believe we should avoid hunting in this area again...if we can get out."

"Aye," Legolas called in agreement. "I believe a few weeks in the library at Imladris could be quite enjoyable after this adventure."

He heard a thump from the ground above him, and Aragorn's head soon appeared peering over the edge of the pit. "For once, Legolas, I think I agree with you."

Legolas grinned. "Whoever knew hunting could be so dangerous?"

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Reviews? Flames? Tar and Feathers? Anyone up for a smoothie? _

_Next on the list: Elladan and Elrohir. Oh, and what possible trouble could one get into in a library? (Mwahahahaha!)_

_I may revise and do a future one featuring an actual hunting competition...but this idea popped into my head when I was trying to write one for hunting, and I just couldn't let it go._


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